not very dorothy parker

It had been no small task to get there
Reclined in the passenger seat with a silk sack of lavender flowers
set just so over closed eyelids
Even then light seeped in around the edges

“I must look!” the doctor said sharply
“Will someone hold her arms please?”
For I had inadvertantly batted her hand away
It was holding a light as sharp as any samurai sword

“We must decide if you have a case of parapolyphos”
she informed me loftily as the Red Queen
and bored into me with her doctor light
I was able to choke back all but a pathetic groan

“Parapolyphos! I never heard of it” I scoffed
“Ridiculous!” she scoffed back in a far superior tone
“Anyone with parapolyphos knows exactly what they have.”
It sounded like misdiagnosis to me but we pressed on.

“What is it?” I did deserve to know
they were not only my eyes but there would be money involved
“Too much light gets in but you would know
Your instincts become too loud nothing seems to escape you”

I whimpered then I felt a little that way
but had gone to some lengths to keep out the light
My house has no curtains so was draped now in purple and brown sheets
Air had to come through so they billowed and sometimes came down

“Let’s fit you with a mask” she suggested
“That does not sound very doctorly” I felt combative
“Let’s just try” she soothed, as she peeled over my eyelid
Then pulled something over my head

It was as if my eyes had just been taken to an ideal climate
Soft and clean air, light like the inside of a domed building
It even smelled better in the room
“How is that? Would you like a mirror?”

Now I am not one for miracles but let me tell you
the face in the mirror was mine but relaxed and untroubled
I could see my eyes shining with a smile in them
Everything seemed softer but not out of focus

“The mask has a filter” she explained
“It works like a water filter on the light and removes the sharpness”
“Will I be able to go outside?”
She urged me to try and held onto me as I felt my way to the door

“Where is the parking lot? Have you taken me to a back door?”
“You can think of it like that.” All in front of me was a meadow
tall trees, birds. Beyond, the ocean, serene and blue.
My eyes felt like lychee in syrup, if that makes any sense.

It turns out my health insurance covers it
Now I see only what I need to see
my friends are inviting me over again
my wayward daughter heard about the change and sent cookies

She says she will come visit next new moon
I draped the windows with gossamer they look like a movie set
we eat by candlelight every night
I guess I ought to be missing my edge but I confess I do not

Understanding

It has been decades since he traveled the world
yet foreign coins turn up when he empties his pockets
with the regularity of heartbeats

Phrases containing words from entirely different places
enter into the everyday talk in his house
I used to ask for the translation

You would think by now all the foreign syllables
would be utterly clear as mountain pools
mouth ready as it were

like a quiche from the oven
Ethiopian beans on a wood platter
rendang daging and panang curry

my hands obey the messages
not because I understand words
but I have learned to close the curtains once it becomes dark out

fasten them with snappy paper clips
as if I understood each word
Yesterday I placed one of the obscure coins in his hand

folded his fingers over it and checked the color of the nails
he laughed as if I had given him flowers
or more likely a tool of some sort

out and back

thrusting painted face
white stripes and bones crowning ears
necklace of teeth bound with braided hairs

waving arms he parted the air
as if light was curtains
sky poured like water

he pushed me through the opening
I yelped like a puppy
he pressed fern leaves to my mouth

sealed my voice inside me
put his hand on my chest over my heart
coiling my fear along his arm

we held hands as he leapt up
expecting to grow feathers
from hair follicles

for less than a second we left behind asphalt
and for less than a second I understood
the full price of getting from here to there

When I am very old

If I should live so long
that I rattle when I move about
If my years add up to thinking
all food should taste like honey
then pour the sticky sweet goodness
into me however you can
roll me down to the ocean
Set my feet in the water

The waves will lift me up
The moon might be full
There will be familiar stars
Ka makau nui o Maui
will capture my spirit
so it can soar like ‘iwa kali’i

do not leave me sitting in any chair
contemplating a lack of teeth in my mouth
let me keep my gratitude for life
let’s celebrate it all the way
to the edge of my time
that is enough

will to good

She called in tears
She had ripped her public wrapping
trying to get it back on
having discarded it to go skinny dipping
it was full moon
there was a canal where the water was silver
fish stretched themselves in the colorless light
someone mouthed the words do wah do wah, do wah do wah

It was hard to tell through her sobs
how sticky the situation had become
Thinking little I hopped on a Greyhound bus
the better to quickly hit the backroad
In my pack, the ephemeris and knitting needles
It would take the magic of grandmothers
To reweave her persona and slip it over her shy shoulders
before morning light caught her by the skin
and heaved her panting over the edge of the rising sun
back into the darkness

Whatever success came of that roadtrip
was not my doing
other than this thing
will to good

Morning walk, evening stroll

The earth stepped up to greet me
Brown as an old penny
Meeting the water bluer than sapphires and silk gowns
Sunlight lay across my skin warm as passion on a Friday night
When the bands would play

We danced close then
Humid breath faintly marked with cigarets and sloe gin
We were young
wore freckles carelessly
Talked long hours on the telephone
ignored the changing hues of the sky

Today is fading now
Blowing away in the breezes
our sky will change color like the end of the fireworks show
And the stars will rain down like applause

birds will quiet and fly off to their night perches
even the peacocks’ shriek stilled
We will close the day with cheese pizza and red wine
there will be daydreams to review
the rattle of the wind in the palm fronds

out there in the ocean
giant beasts rise up and slap the water
above us all
you may see paths of light across the sky
as fragments of the day
wander through the heavens

from my heart to your heart

Soul Song

Life has riddles riding its hours like surfboards upon high waves

why life gives and takes back life

we ache to understand accept know the oneness of being

I watch the white tropic bird over the ocean

does it feel free

would that be at all like the flight of the liberated soul?

while we search for meaning in famous words

those with no words

say the truth as they soar up the wind

run in tall grass 

lie down for the last time

with no volition 

       . . . let go of us 

Today I felt for a moment

My last old dog just behind me

Something in the sound of his breath

The way he once whispered after me

as if to share the inhalation of moonlight

knowing there is all love in this life

a brilliant serpent of joy wraps this present

When the aloneness strikes your cheek

what song does the wind sing?

when in the trees you hear the ocean

your heart hears the whispers of your mother

your lover's sigh in the last light of day

that yellow dog settling down in the darkness of your room

separated from the stars only for now